A Call for Parental Guidance: Navigating Attachment Styles & Relational Dynamics in Disney Films
As parents, it is crazy important to engage with our children about the nuanced relationships depicted in Disney movies, in fact, it is determining whether or not our children develop a healthy understanding of relationships. By dissecting attachment styles (the different ways we attach and connect with others), we empower them with insights into healthy connections, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.
These conversations become opportunities to instill valuable lessons about empathy, communication, and the diverse nature of relationships.
Disney movies offer more than just magical tales; they serve as mirrors reflecting the intricacies of human connection. Understanding attachment styles in these films allows us to appreciate the depth of character relationships and, in turn, provides valuable lessons for navigating our own journey through the tapestry of life. So, let's explore and unravel the secrets of attachment styles within the fantastical world of Disney animation - a place where most of us grew up.
Exploring Attachment Styles in Disney Movies: A Guide for Parents
Attachment styles, a psychological concept shaping how individuals connect with others, are not exclusive to real-life relationships. Why? Because children learn BEST through storytelling. Disney movies, both old and new, provide a fascinating canvas to observe these attachment styles in the characters, and I’m here to give you the lens through which you will actually see these patterns of behavior. Understanding these dynamics becomes essential as they play a significant role in shaping the characters' relationships with others, themselves, and navigating life transitions within the storyline.
Importance of Exposing Children to Imaginary Scenarios
Understanding Relationships: Imaginary scenarios in Disney movies serve as a safe space for children to explore and understand various aspects of relationships, and themselves (children learn about who they are through the relationships the exist in and the ones they are exposed to).
Social Skills: Imaginary scenarios provide a platform for children to learn about empathy, communication, and cooperation, essential for developing healthy relationships.
Children's Ability to Understand Through Storytelling:
Emotional Intelligence: Storytelling helps children develop emotional intelligence by exposing them to a range of emotions and demonstrating appropriate ways to express and navigate them.
Values Education: These scenarios teach values like respect, safety, body positivity, introspection, compassion, uniqueness, and creativity in an engaging and memorable way.
Empowering Individuality
Body Image and Uniqueness: Movies that celebrate diversity and uniqueness contribute to healthier body image perceptions, encouraging children to embrace their individuality.
Creativity and Self-Expression: Characters that model creativity and self-expression, inspire and empower children to embrace their own creative potential.
Contributing to the Foundation of Understanding:
Modeling Behavior: Healthy and realistic portrayals in Disney movies act as models for children, influencing their perceptions of healthy relationships and behaviors.
Shaping Perspectives: These stories contribute to shaping children's perspectives on diversity, self-identity, and interpersonal dynamics, laying the foundation for a more inclusive worldview.
In conclusion, newer Disney movies play a crucial role in shaping children's understanding of the world by presenting imaginary scenarios that embody healthy relationships. Through positive portrayals of respect, safety, body image, introspection, compassion, uniqueness, and creativity, storytelling becomes a powerful tool in nurturing children's emotional intelligence and fostering a foundation for positive interactions in their real lives.
Now, let’s get a basic understanding of attachment styles:
Secure Attachment
- Individuals with secure attachment form healthy and stable relationships.
- They have the experience of all 4 S’s that are essential to having a secure attachment with a primary caregiver (Seen, Soothed, Safe, and Secure)
- Are comfortable with both emotional intimacy and independence.
- Are trusting, open in expressing needs, and believing in reliable support.
- Have sturdy self-worth and often conviction as well
Avoidant Attachment (1 of 3 insecure attachment styles)
- Are characterized by a desire for independence and discomfort with emotional intimacy.
- Lacking in the experience of feeling Seen, which can be a roadblock to experiencing feelings of being Soothed, which affects experiences of feeling Safe and Secure.
- Tend to avoid closeness and may have difficulty trusting others.
- Value self-reliance and may struggle with vulnerability in relationships.
Character Example: Prince Adam (the Beast) from Beauty and the Beast
Anxious Attachment (2 of 3)
- Individuals with anxious attachment seek high levels of emotional closeness.
- Lacking in the experience of feeling Soothed, which can be a roadblock to experiencing feelings of being Seen, and often Safe and Secure.
- Often worry about their partner's commitment and fear rejection.
- Crave reassurance and may display clinginess in relationships.
Character Example: Anna from Frozen, Frozen II
Disorganized Attachment (3 of 3)
- Marked by inconsistent and unpredictable behaviors in relationships.
- Lacking the consistent and predictable experience of feeling Soothed, Seen, Safe, and Secure.
- Primary caregiver is the only available source of comfort, and is also a source of fear, making this attachment style disorganized
- Individuals may struggle with conflicting desires for closeness and avoidance.
- Often stems from early traumatic experiences, leading to difficulties in regulating emotions and forming stable connections.
**Rarely depicted in children's films or media, this attachment style signifies strong indicators of abuse. Recognizing these signs is crucial, as it may be the only means for the child to communicate their unhealthy situation.
The Need for Parental Guidance
As children absorb these stories, parents play a vital role in guiding discussions around attachment styles. It is no different than discussing what your child learned at school together. This is called verbal processing - the act of talking through an idea with someone to get a better understanding of it. It stimulates the wonders of critical thinking, which is a skill we develop, NOT an innate ability. Disney movies serve as more than just entertainment; they offer a lens through which attachment styles can be observed and understood. Through open conversations, parents can help children identify these patterns in characters and relate them to their own lives, fostering greater awareness of their environment and emotional well-being. Parents can use this opportunity to contribute to the child’s development of emotional intelligence, empowering them to navigate relationships and life transitions with resilience and empathy.
Concerns in Children's Movies: Unpacking Messages in Disney Classics
Movies like The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White, while enchanting, may inadvertently convey confusing or potentially harmful messages about relationships, boundaries, consent, and attachment to young audiences. Be prepared, as these may have been some of the movies you grew up with and maybe still love today (and you are still allowed to even if we find some unhealthy messages - you will just see more than what you saw before)!
Relationships and Consent:
- Traditional narratives often depict romantic ideals without emphasizing the importance of communication and consent (i.e. “Kiss the Girl” song from The Little Mermaid)
- The portrayal of romantic relationships in these films often revolves around swift and idealized connections, potentially giving unrealistic expectations of love and romance
- “Prince Charming” scenarios may imply that love is instant and does not require mutual understanding or consent (i.e. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, etc.)
- Consent and communication are not always explicitly addressed, leading to the romanticization of impulsive decisions
Boundaries and Independence
Some classics showcase characters who willingly sacrifice personal boundaries for love (i.e. Belle from Beauty and the Beast being given no choice but to sacrifice her freedom, and Ariel from The Little Mermaid sacrificing her voice for love). This may inadvertently convey that individuality, freedom, and respect should be compromised for the sake of a romantic relationship. Independence and “standing for what is right” is often branded as rebellion (i.e. Peter Pan).
Attachment Styles and Boundaries
The nuances of these attachment dynamics may not be explicitly addressed, potentially leading to misunderstandings about healthy relationships. Many characters often face challenges that mirror anxious and / or avoidant attachment styles, where boundaries become sticky. A character with an anxious attachment might push others’ boundaries in desperation for connection and closeness.
A character who is avoidantly attached may have so many boundaries up that it prevents connection with depth, beyond the surface of superficial relations with others. Some anxiously attached characters pursue love interests that display an avoidant attachment / present closed off to advances for closeness and connection, and this creates a sense of chasing after love for the pursuer. This is followed by a huge sense of reward when they do achieve mutual love and connection.
This reward is often put up on a high pedestal by the anxiously attached pursuer, far above their sense of self-compassion, self-respect, and self-love. These scenarios can be and are translated into the understanding that it is okay to treat love like a bit of a chase, and to keep trying or “never give up” on love, even when you are being sent messages through words and behavior that who you’re pursuing is not interested, or simply is not ready.
Although there are tons of healthy themes from Frozen and Frozen II, and I would prefer to use a romantic example, Anna and Elsa are a perfect example of this. How can we tell Anna is anxiously attached? She is desperate for, at this point, any source of love and connection after her and Elsa’s parents pass, which is compounded by Elsa isolating herself. She presents as what we often label as “needy”. She very quickly became attached to Hans (yuck) because he showed immediate interest in her. From there, Anna decided this was “love at first sight.” We make sense of this with attachment science by realizing that for Anna, this connection with Hans was more of a connection than Elsa ever allowed Anna to have with her. So any amount of connection is the golden standard for Anna.
Conversely, Elsa’s avoidant attachment which is driven by her fear of harming others with her power, prevents her from having any opportunity for love and connection. How can you tell? After years of self-isolating in her room even before her parents pass, Elsa goes to the lengths of complete self-isolation up in a mountain too cold and dangerous for others when faced with unwelcome advances from Anna for connection. Anna continues to pressure and pursue her sister to return so they can work together to unfreeze the land even after receiving very clear boundaries from Elsa that Elsa wants space, is not ready, and is too frightened right now. Elsa communicates in her songs that she has been needing to discover herself away from others so that she can cast away her fear of hurting anyone during her self-exploration, in order to gain more control over her emotions (fear) too.. This is helpful for Elsa; she gets more comfortable in exploring her power in isolation, and begins to develop a stronger sense of security, safety, and connection with herself. Does Anna listen to her sister’s boundaries? Nope!
The importance in highlighting any and all of this, is that despite the boundary crossing and excessive self-isolation, everything that needs to happen happens, and we get good results: a happy ending. Whether we see this happy ending as Elsa overcoming fear and deciding to allow for connection, communication and vulnerability, or Anna finally getting to have a relationship with her sister that is fulfilling and meets her needs for love and connection, there is still a problem here. The outcome is not realistic.
In real, non-animated life, overcoming years of self-isolation and fear due to trauma, and healing from avoidant attachment, is something that takes much more than spending a few days on a snowy mountain alone for some time to find yourself. And it is not a realistic message to send that Anna’s boundary pushing would result in connection, as it actually has a much higher chance of pushing someone further into their avoidant attachment, because they often fear connection itself. It is important to highlight to children that many movies are analogous to a version of life where the healing process of a character is super sped up (otherwise we would need about 5 seasons just on the trials and tribulations of Elsa and Anna finding the right therapists).
Characters facing parental death and then separation, like Simba in The Lion King, initially depict avoidant attachment. When Simba grows older and reconnects with Nala, he is too easily influenced by the desire to go save his pride (pack of lions), as if he had never lost touch with that side of himself due to the fear of returning to his home where he believes everyone thinks he killed his own father. This depicts an unrealistic expectation of healing from an avoidant attachment, and provides little to zero emphasis on positive transformations that actually lead to said healing.
Parental Influence and Positive Messaging
Parents play the most important role in mitigating these potential issues of direct and indirect messaging by actively engaging with their children about the movies:
1. Co-Viewing and Discussion:
- Watch movies together to provide context and discuss themes
- Pause scenes to ask questions, encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings
- Rewatch movies, and allow your child the opportunity to see what maybe they didn’t notice before
2. Emphasize Critical Thinking through Internal and Verbal Processing:
- Encourage your child to think critically about character actions and motivations
- Discuss the importance of communication, consent, and setting healthy boundaries in relationships through cause and effect scenarios
- Ask open-ended questions about the movie to gauge the child's initial thoughts, and discuss specific scenes, characters, and relationships, prompting the child to reflect on what they observed
3. Emotional Expression:
- Create a safe space for the child to express their emotions and reactions by validating their feelings and addressing any confusion or concerns
**Remember that you don’t need to save them from the sadness, heart-break, anger, or any emotions that may come up for them. Instead, sit with and comfort them in the emotion, continue to process through it, and be the harbor they can anchor to! In doing this, you are gifting them an opportunity to safely experience how and what they feel in reaction to what they watched.
4. Relating Fiction to Reality:
- Help children differentiate between fictional narratives and real-life dynamics
- Share your own experiences that emphasize the diverse ways relationships can develop (as always, make sure what you’re sharing is appropriate for their age and level of understanding your child is at)
- Open the floor for your child to share their own experiences and insights on healthy relationships and the importance of communication
5. Reinforce Positive Values:
- Summarize key lessons about consent, boundaries, and healthy relationships by reiterating that real-life relationships involve open communication and mutual respect
By adopting this approach, parents can transform movie-watching into a valuable opportunity for children to develop critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence, and a nuanced understanding of relationships.
Newer Disney Movies Displaying Healthier Relational Dynamics and Ideals
Inside Out: Pixar's animated masterpiece, Inside Out, provides profound insights into mindfulness, introspection, the interplay of emotions, emotional intelligence, and one's self-relationship. It serves as a valuable tool to help children develop empathy not only for characters in movies but also for real-life individuals. This film lays the foundation for critical learning opportunities, making it an invaluable resource for parents. As the prime example for a movie that encourages a healthy self-relationship, here are 9 pivotal takeaways:
1. Acknowledging and Valuing Emotions:
The movie emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and valuing all emotions, including sadness, by demonstrating that every emotion has its place and purpose in shaping an individual's experiences.
2. Complexity of Emotions:
The film depicts emotions not only as complex, but interconnected. It showcases that emotions often work together and influence each other, reflecting the intricate nature of human emotional experiences. Seeing this human experience reflected in films and TV shows can be very validating for your child, who like all of us, has probably often felt more than one emotion at the same time!
3. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:
Inside Out encourages mindfulness by illustrating the significance of self-reflection. The characters navigate through their internal world, their mind, communicating that understanding your emotions and thoughts is necessary in navigating the world around them and avoiding preventable challenges. This movie also begs us to ask ourselves the question “Which of my emotions is sitting in the driver’s seat right now?” in moments of overwhelm and stress.
4. Acceptance of Change:
The movie portrays the inevitability of change and the need to adapt to new circumstances. It emphasizes the idea that embracing change and learning from experiences contribute to emotional growth and resilience. It also introduces the idea of having to sit with less pleasurable emotions, for the sake of a well-needed greater outcome.
5. Teamwork Among Emotions:
The communication and collaboration among the different emotions (Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust) emphasize the value of balance in emotional responses. It shows that no single emotion should dominate, and a harmonious interplay leads to a more nuanced emotional experience. This also implies that each emotion deserves the opportunity to evolve as we get more acquainted with them.
6. Memory and Perspective:
Inside Out explores how memories can be shaped by emotions and vice versa. It underscores the idea that emotions influence the way individuals remember and interpret past events, emphasizing the subjectivity of memory. This is necessary in developing skills in self-validation and validating others experiences despite a difference in perception and interpretation.
7. Externalizing and Managing Emotions:
Externalizing emotions (acting them out) through characters and giving them distinct personalities helps viewers visualize and understand just how intricate and unique each one is. Parents, you can use this to lean into discussions on what it looks like for individuals to manage and express their emotions in healthy and unhealthy ways, as well as introduce healthy coping/grounding techniques as tools for managing and regulating emotions.
8. The Value of Sadness:
One of the central themes is the importance of sadness. It challenges the notion that happiness should always prevail by emphasizing that allowing oneself to experience sadness can lead to personal growth and connection with others. Vice versa, it implies that ignoring sadness, as well as other less pleasant emotions, can actually lead towards less connection and stagnancy in personal growth (that feeling of stuckness).
9. Family and Emotional Support:
The film brings to light the significance of family and emotional support in navigating challenges. It portrays how open communication and shared experiences contribute to building stronger emotional connections, a deeper sense of belonging, and a sense of safety and security in big or scary life transitions.
Here is a list of other highly recommended films to watch for the purpose of facilitating empowered discussions with your children:
Encanto: Encanto, a Disney animated film, delves into themes of family dynamics, self-discovery, and intergenerational relationships, with some important takeaways from the movie that speak to healthy relationships, boundary setting, generational trauma, and moral courage. Encanto promotes embracing individuality within a family, fostering healthy family relationships based on love and understanding. It highlights the importance of setting boundaries, addressing generational trauma, and emphasizes the significance of self-discovery for personal growth. The film encourages empathy, prompts reflection on family expectations, and showcases moral courage in standing up for one's values. Communication and conflict resolution are portrayed as essential for a harmonious family dynamic, and Encanto celebrates imperfections, fostering acceptance and love for each unique individual within the family. Encanto weaves these themes into a vibrant and heartwarming story, offering valuable lessons about family, identity, and the importance of nurturing healthy relationships while addressing complex issues like generational trauma and the need for moral courage.
Attachment Insights: Mirabel, the main character, as the only family member without a “gift”, grows to have an underdeveloped sense of identity (self). This is because the “gifts” of the family members have become the main component to their identity. The “gifts” of her sisters struggle with this greatly, resulting in them feeling less seen as the person they are regardless of the gift they have or who they are expected to be in relation to others due to their gifts. Mirabel struggles with not feeling truly Seen as more than the family member who is “giftless”, and challenges her grandmother in seeing them as the person they are, not the gift they have.
Luca: Luca prioritizes friendship over romantic attachment (a departure from certain themes seen in The Little Mermaid), focusing on the platonic relationship among Luca, Alberto, and Giulia. The film encourages individual growth and independence, emphasizing self-discovery without sacrificing one's identity. Addressing prejudice, Luca promotes acceptance of differences and challenges stereotypes. Unlike The Little Mermaid, it portrays supportive family dynamics and positive resolutions without significant sacrifices. Additionally, Luca highlights female empowerment through characters like Giulia and celebrates community and unity, fostering a positive message of belonging and acceptance.
Attachment Insights: Luca, the main character, doesn’t feel truly seen by his family concerning his need to explore the world around him, and in turn hides his true feelings in fear of his family’s reaction and overbearing worry.
Turning Red: This movie depicts a young teen managing the trial and tribulations of self acceptance, worth, respect, and asserting your own moral compass in the face of overbearing parental love and generational trauma. Meilin experiences a major life transition (becoming a giant red panda when she is feeling emotionally activated) that is met with her mother’s overflowing need to prevent her daughter from experiencing the downsides of. She is encouraged to keep it all on the down low, until it can be taken care of for good. In Turning Red, Meilin takes to exploring this transition and decides to incorporate it into her new sense of identity, against the wishes and warning of her mother. Meilin navigates the challenges and her self-chosen path that diverges from the path her mother, grandmother, great-grandmother (and so on) all felt they had no choice in choosing.
Attachment Insights: Meilin feels close, connected and as though her priorities are aligned with her mothers until she goes through said life transition. After experiencing the trials and tribulations of turning into a giant red panda against her control, by the end of the movie she comes to understand her mother’s past as well as her true feelings that lie behind her overbearingness as a parent. She utilizes her feelings of not being truly seen by her mother as an opportunity to see her mother in the way that she desires her mother to see her. In the end, this strengthens the bond between Meilin and her mother, creating a more secure attachment for Meilin.
Frozen & Frozen II: In addition to underscoring the importance of safe familial bonds and self-discovery, both movies depict the profound love between siblings as a powerful force in overcoming challenges. Elsa's journey in particular serves as a poignant exploration of self-acceptance, shedding light on the crucial role of setting personal boundaries for emotional well-being. This narrative not only offers a nuanced perspective on the struggles of fear and self-isolation but also provides valuable insights into the healing process, illustrating how embracing one's true self and fostering supportive relationships can be transformative.
Moana: Moana stands as a compelling testament to themes of self-discovery, bravery, and environmental responsibility. Her interactions with Maui not only showcase the power of collaboration and understanding but also highlight a refreshing departure from traditional romantic nuances. The movie emphasizes the strength of a positive alliance and friendship built on mutual respect and shared goals, contributing to a narrative that celebrates diverse forms of meaningful connections.
Attachment Insights: As I am sure you may know by now, Moana does not feel seen by her father, who has an avoidant attachment with the sea. She has the same innate love and desire for exploring the unknowns beyond the island they are on, however the trauma of her father losing his friend when he ventured out has closed him off from allowing Moana to explore. Moana starts to ignore the seabird within her for her father’s sake opposed to her own, she quickly forsakes this mentality when trouble arises. She decides to venture off to sea in order to save her island, and begins to develop a secure attachment to the ocean, knowing now that fear and avoidance may feel like protection to her father and that it's not enough to protect the island.
Zootopia: By actively addressing stereotypes, diversity, and inclusion, the film goes beyond mere entertainment, serving as a powerful tool for societal change. It challenges preconceived notions, urging audiences to embrace a mindset that assesses individuals based on their actions rather than succumbing to unfounded assumptions. In doing so, the movie fosters a narrative that champions the importance of understanding, acceptance, and the celebration of diverse perspectives, contributing to a more inclusive and empathetic societal fabric.
Soul: Soul, another Pixar animated film, delves into profound themes related to life, purpose, and self-discovery, mindfulness, introspection, and the complexity of emotions in regards to our dreams and life goals. Soul inspires viewers to find purpose and joy in life, promoting mindfulness in the present moment and balancing ambition with the enjoyment of life's simple pleasures. The film encourages introspection on personal values, embraces the connection between the tangible and abstract/intangible aspects of existence, and reiterates the value of finding fulfillment in both grand achievements and everyday moments. Soul also encourages us to reevaluate our judgments of success, fostering acceptance of imperfections, exploring cultural connections and diversity. Soul serves as a thought-provoking and visually stunning exploration of life's meaning, encouraging viewers to reflect on their own journeys, values, and the significance of the present moment.
Attachment Insights: While this movie may be mostly about Joe, his relationship with himself, his hopes and dreams, and life itself, 22 is a character who’s transformation shines pretty bright. 22’s avoidant attachment with life leads her to constantly evading reincarnation as a soul. When she gets exposed to what she has been missing on earth, through Joe’s body, she develops the desire to experience everything, as even the mundane has become astounding. This breaks the cycle of avoidance for her, and at the same time breaks a different cycle for Joe. Joe begins to question the value of his ideal future which he has put on a high pedestal, which led him away from not just enjoying the mundane, but acknowledging it as anything more. His anxious attachment with life success have prevented him from feeling secure in his identity and achievements as and adult. Through seeing 22's experiences on earth, Joe begins to develop a stronger desire to remain present, and to see what he has been looking beyond his entire life.
Additional Contributions to Understanding the World
Through storytelling in movies, children are exposed to a myriad of social scenarios, providing them with a wealth of human experiences. These narratives serve as a powerful tool for teaching empathy, as youngsters witness characters grappling with diverse challenges and emotions. Disney movies can serve as cultural ambassadors for young audiences, offering glimpses into diverse societies and traditions from around the world. By weaving narratives with varied cultural settings and characters, these films actively contribute to developing open-mindedness and cultivating an appreciation for the rich tapestry of global diversity. As children engage with these cinematic journeys, they not only gain exposure to different cultures but also develop a valuable foundation for understanding the relational patterns present in other cultures and why.
In conclusion, exposing children to newer Disney movies that emphasize healthy relationships and self-relationship, boundaries, and pragmatic expectations of behavior is vital. And the need for processing less than ideal relationships and circumstances that children are exposed to in other movies is just as important. Imaginary scenarios serve as a gateway for children to understand the complexities of the world, shaping their perspectives on respect, safety, body image, introspection, compassion, uniqueness, creativity and so much more! Self-development will also contribute significantly to the foundation of children's understanding of the world around them, and will better prepare them for inevitably bumpy road ahead. Parents, you have the power to take an ordinary movie watching experience and make it transformative with the conversations you can facilitate. We do not need to shy away from exposing our children to unhealthy relational dynamics (assuming we keep them age appropriate) we just need to point them out, and talk about them! You got this!
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